Trick-Or-Treat smell my feet … or give me a costume for under 50 bucks, please!!!

My son mentioned that he wants to go Trick-or-Treating this year, again. I asked him, actually, because he is 14 and looks about 18, at least if you're judging him by his height … and that he, um, shaves, and he’s definitely got the deep voice thing going on, but besides all that …

I asked him. And he said, yes. But it was a small, subtle yes, as if he, too, realizes that he might be getting too old for Trick-or-Treating. I don’t know, what’s too old anyway?

We were having dinner at my parents just the other day and they asked him the inevitable question, “What are you going to be for Halloween?” Like it was his choice? I’ve been telling him (working on him, rather) that kids at about 14 or so (his age) go trick-or-treating as hobos – you know the easy and FREE costume! Last year I almost had a small stroke while we were gleefully shopping for costumes and I just so happened to take a quick, indiscreet glance at the prices … and if sticker shock wasn’t the best word for it, then I don’t know what was? 40 bucks was the CHEAPEST costume that I could find (and they were the duds). I was in the fame of mind of spending about 30, 40 bucks — tops — for the best! I could have sworn that that was what I had paid the previous year (s).

I remember last year’s shopping horror as 60 and 70 dollar signs were flashing before my eyes on Every. Single. Costume. (And girls too, I was looking for Meghan, as well, and fairy princesses also came with glamorous price tags!!) So, at that point (of close hysteria) I was found tearing through the racks, body deep in costumes — like a mad woman on a hunt — looking for a good price. Even the sales lady came around and asked if she could help me because I was apparently looking for something “specific.” Little did she know I was “looking” for last year’s price!! Then voila, it happened! The costume that Nick wanted (Batman) was found not only in his size but also at a reduced price of 40.00. Yahoo!! Was what I could have been heard saying (and I think I was) but without realizing that it was this year's yahoo-equivalent of yelling for joy at finding 3 bucks for a gallon of gas!! But I left very happy because I found that 40.00 was a real bargain for one ecstatically, happy boy — so a win-win — or NOT! Read on …

So, as you may already realize, I shot a quick glance at my parents who were all too eager to hear about his soon-to-be shopping expedition at the nearest party store for this year’s pick. (Little did they know that costumes these days come with mortgages!!) If someone had looked at me at that exact moment, they would have seen my green eyes spinning up dollar signs! So it was clear (thanks Mom and Dad) that Nick was going to be buying his costume this year, again.

During the car ride home he finally said, “Mom, can I be anything I want? I said a very, very weak, raspy and almost sickly, “yes,” that Nick had to actually lean in to hear. “But hobos are good too”— I said, giving it one last try. He said, “Batman, I want to be Batman again.”

Oh, I know what you’re thinking: Squeeze him into his last year’s model, right? Yeah, good thinking!! Really! But do you know what the one problem with your excellent plan is? Of course not! Well, last year’s “cheap, 40.00” costume had a defect! Yup, that’s right! The reduced price was actually due to a missing element: Batman’s black mask. Now how many Batman’s do you know go out into the dark night (saving people) without his mask? Really now? And we didn’t know about the missing piece until just moments before going out trick-or-treating, so if you want to know what it was like living with Nick for those delicate and horribly sad moments while only just moments before he was so excitedly happy opening his costume bag for the first time — most carefully — as if unfolding an ever so delicate but beloved toy. The sound of horror vibrating throughout his room was clear enough for me. I felt cheap! Apparently it is NOT just about the candy!

Meanwhile poor Meghan was sporting around as an M&M. Oh, come on, she loves yellow peanut M&M’s for 30.00.

But let’s face it; they wear the costume for one hour — tops, then never again. Paying close to 100 bucks for a costume is like paying 1,000 for a wedding dress — but you only pay that once; I keep going back to the costume store every, freaking year!!

I mean, really, what are you getting for 40 + bucks? I’ll tell you: A cheap costume and a disappointed crying kid. I hate Halloween!

Yeah, bah humbug!! And have a nice weekend!