What a Good IEP Meeting Looks Like

I have a new oxymoron for you: Good IEP meeting.

Wow. At least it was for me this time. In the past Nick’s meetings were always more … condescending, in a way. Meaning that the teachers and specialists just didn’t see what I/we had seen in Nick, and if they didn’t see it, then they didn’t believe it. So, it would always be so damn frustrating and I would always leave a meeting with fear and angst. Nick is not as disabled as you might think due to his debilitating shyness, but unless school had seen what we had seen and knew of our son, then they wouldn’t offer him more opportunities at school, both socially and academically.

At last years’ IEP meeting I actually brought in my laptop and showed them a video that I had taped of Nick talking to me about various things during different times while he was home. They were blown away. They just didn’t see him open up, speak and ask questions at school; so, why would they believe me that he does it at home? Right?

You know what they always say: a teacher (school) will never believe a parent and, therefore, not listen. I think that our neurologist (at the time) even admitted that fact.

Sure, all parent toot their kids’ horn more than they should, but I’m not the one suffering from denial about my kids; but I am suffering from an acute opposition to ignorance, complacency and labeling.

This year’s IEP meeting introduced a bountiful of good ideas and opened up more choices and opportunities for him. Not only because he has met all of his goals, but, also because they are finally seeing what I see at home, although on a much smaller scale, but they finally know that he is capable of more.

So push, push, push for more and let this boy start to shine …

I pushed for even more typical peer interaction, a buddy group with his typical peers in speech therapy. Check!
Pushed for a stronger movement in his academics—and we will work with him at home, too. Check!
A push to introduce him to more information, studies and learning styles so that we can learn what he likes/dislikes, etc. Check!

On occasion the members of this roundtable were all talking at once because there was so much more excitement and enthusiasm in the air, the air of humility and some good old-fashioned thinking outside the box for the hopes of one boy.

Now this is why a teacher becomes a teacher? No? I mean I’ve heard the tale before: The myth of a teacher sparked by ambition and believing in the dreams and hopes of their students and to help them become all that they can be; no matter the extra work or sacrifice the teacher must bear. I finally saw it for myself and, frankly, I wasn’t sure it actually existed. The rebel, the history maker, the crusader; is this not the embodiment of a good teacher?

I am also learning that there are great opportunities for him in high school next year. Even though he has to stay in a specialized special needs program because he’s not academically level with his typical peer group, he can move out and mainstream where we see fit … and since there are a lot more programs offered in our high school …

But I will still need to continue to push and advocate for him the whole way through; but then, that’s not my problem now is it?

I feel like Obama right now: I’m running on hope and YES WE CAN!!


Special Note: the preceding positive feelings are subject to change--next year.
But the hope and advocacy never will.

Mission, Goal, Obstacles in Special Ed

Warning: this email contains the idea of some foul language. But I’m a mom of a kid in special ed (Life Skills), so WHAT do you expect!!??

I’m on a new road and I'm going to hunt down—like a mad dog—a neuropshyologist if it’s the last thing I do today. HA! mad woman alert on the hunt for Red October (so to speak).

Mission: find a neurophysiologist who will actually help me w/o it costing me my shirt. This doctor must be willing to work and offer me "real" suggestions not “Well I don’t really know what programs are best for him, perhaps you could look around!!” Okay, OKAY! The last time I was "hunting" one doctor actually told me (full of sarcasm but dead serious) that if I were looking to change my career that this would be a good field to go into … “so I can’t help you but have a nice day!” Not good!

Goal: to find a school program or technical studies for Nick so that he has a future. My kid is falling through the cracks and I’m not gonna take it anymore!!

Obstacles: ass**** doctors who will tell me to pay and pay big out of pocket or no dice. Bast***s. The last time I tried this, I got an 800.00 bill for a 10-minute (yes, that’s 10 WHOLE MINUTES) interview, just an interview. Even the hospital administrator thought that it was an outrage, so he charged me 150.00 instead. WTF!!

Okay, yes, I’m angry. But my kid is not being taught at school. He has a new teacher this year and apparently--not very good. He is totally being "underworked" and underachieving, and to be honest--nobody really cares.

I need real answers and real resources so that I know that my son is on some kind of a track, any track, for a real future. Because when I’m sitting down tomorrow morning with his school (teachers, specialists, director of special ed) for his IEP meeting (gotta love those) I want to know why he came home from school with 2nd grade work under his belt. Bull****! Even Nick thought it was, um, a bit easy! "No Mom, don't say anything, I don't mind!!"

We all know too well that special education has its issues. If we, as parents (and as advocates) don’t stay on top of it (them), then nothing will ever be achieved for our kids.

I will give a very good example: One day last year Nick was supposed to have a field trip and his special ed teacher wrote a nice little note stating that since they really didn’t have the resources (meaning extra staff to attend the field trip with the kids) then they were not going to have our group of kids (meaning special ed) attend this field trip to Camp Wing (to learn great things). So if you just sign this permission slip stating that you agree with me that our kids will just stay at school and not attend (this wonderful program) but instead we will do something fun in lieu of not going. Okay, sorry and thank you very much. Signed, The Teacher.

Hahahahah (hysterical laugh, Mommy hysterically laughing here), who do (she, they) think they're f***ing with, anyway???

Well apparently I was the only parent who wrote a not so friendly email to the teacher, director, her director and superintendent (and would have sent one to the president of the United States if I had his email)--shaking mad that it took me 5 minutes just to type One. Clean. Sentence. My response went something like:

I am a very, very angry parent right now and that this is an outrage and violates my son’s civil rights, but you already know that—don’t you. There was obviously no planning that was involved in this field trip, thus, no plan to attend in the first place. I think we all know what needs to be done here to rectify this situation. If this is not addressed and rectified immediately, I will be contacting the Department Of Education and the Department of Civil Rights to officially complain. You have a chance to do the right thing. Again, I am a very, very angry parent.

So what happened, well you probably already know the a** kissing that went on … and the teacher was, um, thrown under the bus, of course. But, of course, my son went on the field trip and was just one out of two boys in special ed who went on that field trip with their typical peers--which ended up being wonderful for those boys and a lifetime memory.

Too bad for the other kids and too bad about their foolish, foolish parents! Now that’s sad!

I bring this up because there was a field trip to John Quincy Adams house for history class today, which Nick is very interested in visiting and learning about, hence all of his questions about John Adams and John Quincy Adams the other day.

Tour the house yourself here

... And you thought you would just get fearless bitching with this post!!