Don’t talk down to a person with special needs. Please. It’s not necessary and it’s demeaning to the boy and to his parents. And it makes you look bad, too. Okay!
So don’t do it. Talk to him at his age level, no matter what you think. Don’t talk slower than you normally would; don’t talk about him like he’s not even in the room and can’t understand you anyway, because he can and he does.
It may take some training and education on your part to not do it, to not talk to him like he’s less, because he’s not, he’s so much more.
Just because you hear words like autism, or special needs, or mental retardation doesn’t mean that he doesn’t understand you and it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a thought of his own… because he does. And he knows your game.
So don’t talk down to him, don’t overlook him, don’t treat him differently, don’t assume that he can’t do something, because he can; don’t assume because he’s quiet that he’s not thinking, because he is. So don’t do it; know better because I’m telling you to. Okay!
Just help him if he needs help or asks for it, but nothing more and nothing less; treat him like the 14-year-old boy that he is.
Please!
Showing posts with label mental retardation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mental retardation. Show all posts
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
The Power of Denial
I had a friend who also had a child with special needs. He has mental retardation and I also think autism, but that would be my interpretation. This friend did have her son evaluated by a neurological psychologist but she never shared the outcome.
Instead, she chose to “defend” her son by stating that the doctors were wrong and that there was nothing wrong with him; essentially, choosing the path of denial.
The problem was that she was wasting valuable time by not helping her son with therapies that could effectively work toward helping him actually overcome his disorder, or the mere presence of it.
I found this issue very hard to be her friend: She was always looking at my kids as if they were the ones with the problems and that her son was coming along (more than mine were, which was not true) and that her son would be fine. She would also be very hard on any friend that mentioned that something might be wrong with her son—which was evident; to the point that she would even end that friendship.
She was lying, denying, and putting her friendships at great risk. Her husband, on the other hand, was the levelheaded one and who not only believed that he and his wife needed to be proactive and help their son with necessary therapies and the like…but also wanted to be open with his friends about the truth--which is so important and a healthy thing to do. I felt sorry for him but at the same time I respected him for acknowledging his son’s issues and also wanting to help his wife deal with her suffering. Boy, did he have a full plate!
One of the saddest problems with her denying the truth about her son was that when we were all together, usually at her house, she would be very hard on her son—as if to say, you have to be more than you are…you’re not good enough; and all for appearances.
This is not putting your child’s best interest at work; it’s ruining his chances of a happier life, for him and for the entire family.
As a matter of fact, she was working against the one thing that she wanted most: a recovered child.
Can anyone relate to this common issue of denial, and want to share their thoughts?
More on Denial Here.
Instead, she chose to “defend” her son by stating that the doctors were wrong and that there was nothing wrong with him; essentially, choosing the path of denial.
The problem was that she was wasting valuable time by not helping her son with therapies that could effectively work toward helping him actually overcome his disorder, or the mere presence of it.
I found this issue very hard to be her friend: She was always looking at my kids as if they were the ones with the problems and that her son was coming along (more than mine were, which was not true) and that her son would be fine. She would also be very hard on any friend that mentioned that something might be wrong with her son—which was evident; to the point that she would even end that friendship.
She was lying, denying, and putting her friendships at great risk. Her husband, on the other hand, was the levelheaded one and who not only believed that he and his wife needed to be proactive and help their son with necessary therapies and the like…but also wanted to be open with his friends about the truth--which is so important and a healthy thing to do. I felt sorry for him but at the same time I respected him for acknowledging his son’s issues and also wanting to help his wife deal with her suffering. Boy, did he have a full plate!
One of the saddest problems with her denying the truth about her son was that when we were all together, usually at her house, she would be very hard on her son—as if to say, you have to be more than you are…you’re not good enough; and all for appearances.
This is not putting your child’s best interest at work; it’s ruining his chances of a happier life, for him and for the entire family.
As a matter of fact, she was working against the one thing that she wanted most: a recovered child.
Can anyone relate to this common issue of denial, and want to share their thoughts?
More on Denial Here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
