HH my son likes to make noise. It’s not just his verbal spew—sudden sounds that he seems to make out of the blue, or questions that he will ask me no matter what I might be doing, watching, or whom I might be talking to. It’s also the ever so annoying tapping, jiggling, body thumping and body jumping. As of late, he has become a 5 foot 7 inch fidgeter. I wanted him to sit down and watch this segment from ABC News on autism and halfway through he turned away and started tapping a fork on the table. STOP IT!! I didn’t raise my voice or ask him to stop right away because I was still listening to the end of the segment and I knew (all too well) that if I interrupted his fidgeting, then I would get a “What…WHAT? It's just a fork …blah, blah, blah” (as if it’s the fork to blame) and no more watching an important segment for me. I’ve come to realize that I’ve trained myself to listen through Nick's noise making. Kinda like the talent of listening through walls …
This is clearly where he is lacking in social skills, common courtesy, and sympathy; and teaching him to understand--on his own--w/o having to be told that I was still listening to the news even though he had decided to tune it out and bounce a fork off the table… and ever so loudly!
Right now as I’m writing this, he has walked by me tapping his hand against his pants … and I’ve never realized how loud that sound could actually be.
It’s the same thing as his uncanny ability to have a certain conversation at the absolute wrong moment. For instance, last night while we had just starting eating dinner (that I had slaaaaved to cook), he asked me why people throw up … Really! And just as my very first forkful of food was finally delivered to my mouth, too. Not a great combo of taste and thought. He then continued with “Can you throw up if you eat or drink too much water?” Again, I don’t like to cut him off when he initiates conversation (to encourage conversation and to avoid "retaliation"), but I really could not allow him to talk about gross things at dinner—and we’ve had this conversation before. And even though I reminded him not to talk about gross things while we eat “Because we lose our appetite,” he replied. “Yes, that’s right,” I said, ever so politely (trying to save dinner), but he still had another quickie question about throwing up in general, and you don’t want to know more about that descriptive part of the conversation, but let just say it was the demise of dinner!! And let me just point out here, that if it were he who was still enjoying his dinner, or better yet, enjoying a ooey, gooey, yummy snack, and I just so happened to bring up a topic about someone drooling (a trigger subject for him), then he would yell at me and say something like: “Why do you want to be gross while I’m enjoying my food? Now I can't eat anymore." And continue to perseverate with ..."Why, why, why do you do that? Why, Mom, why do you want to be gross? Why?........”
Uh-huh!
Oh, the hypocrisy…. Or better yet, lack of understanding ones feelings? And this has been something that I’ve been working on with him for quite some time, and, apparently, not learning too much.
I believe it has to do with his disorder; however, I do believe that kids on the spectrum do understand feelings, emotions and are able to sympathize… Nick has proven to me that he can and does to a small degree. He just has a great deal of trouble trying to understand why people don’t think the way he thinks, or like what he likes, or know what he knows—a deficit in social intelligence rather than lack of empathy--common issue for people on the spectrum. I’m assuming that this is just another developmental milestone that he has yet to conquer and hopefully he will.
Showing posts with label austim. Show all posts
Showing posts with label austim. Show all posts
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Visions of Sugarplums Dancing in my Head, Not Jail
I just remembered that I had a dream last night that my son, Nick, was in jail--and at 14, too. Oh, Geeeez!! Please don’t tell me that I’m a fortune-teller and didn’t know it and that my visions come to me in my sleep!!
What was strange about this dream—as all dream usually are—but are also an outlet to our subconscious and psychological state of mind—as we know. In this dream I was in jail with him, too; and so was Jodi Foster, for that matter. Weird! But we were counting the days until Nick was released and that I was praying (and protecting) that he wouldn’t do anything to ruin his chances of ever seeing “the outside” again. It was that same usual feeling of worry that I would normally have with raising a son with AS and holding my breathe that everything goes his way, and that no one pushes his (hot) buttons for fear of a “melt down” (And in this case: more jail time.)
I think this fear comes from being with friends, family, new play date hosts, or witnesses of any kind; and that someone makes the mistake of telling Nick that he is “Growing up” or “Wow, you’ve grown” or God forbid telling him that he’s becoming a man—Yikes! (He’s 14 and he still tells people that he’s 12, or 11 if he can push it!) It’s a hot button for sure—so you’d better watch out!! And when this unfortunate person tells him such a (dreadful) thing as that, then he can become very upset. In the past it was like watching a crime scene unfold: He would get so red in the face and I could tell that he was gonna blow if I didn’t get him out, and out fast…or switch the subject very quickly so that maybe Nick didn’t notice, hear, or simply forget what they had said. And if he did hear (and didn’t forget) and that I’m just plum out of luck and he doesn’t take it well (80/20% chance and against me), then what could happen next is not pretty and I warn you NOW because he could say: The F-word. Yes, it’s happened—twice, as I remember—once with a nice play date mom, all dressed in her nice summer whites, hair bonnet and pearls… Just kidding! But she might as well have been; and the other time was with my mother. (Aahh!) Talk about horror!!
Now I’m not a saint of a mother but I don’t say that word around my son, unless, of course, something dreadful is about to take place, like, for example: almost hitting a deer on the road. I mean what do you say when you swerve to avoid hitting one: “Oh Gosh Darn a deer,” or “Oh Shoot a deer”—NO, you say: “Oh, F… and brace yourself for bloody impact. I live in Plymouth—there are lots of deer here!
So there it is! I took the stand and told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth … and admitted that my son is in “dreamland-juvenile-jail”—at least I hope it’s the juvenile kind—I mean just for saying the f-word in “good company,” I think they’d go easy on the poor kid with ASD, his mom and Jodi Foster, too? NO?
What was strange about this dream—as all dream usually are—but are also an outlet to our subconscious and psychological state of mind—as we know. In this dream I was in jail with him, too; and so was Jodi Foster, for that matter. Weird! But we were counting the days until Nick was released and that I was praying (and protecting) that he wouldn’t do anything to ruin his chances of ever seeing “the outside” again. It was that same usual feeling of worry that I would normally have with raising a son with AS and holding my breathe that everything goes his way, and that no one pushes his (hot) buttons for fear of a “melt down” (And in this case: more jail time.)
I think this fear comes from being with friends, family, new play date hosts, or witnesses of any kind; and that someone makes the mistake of telling Nick that he is “Growing up” or “Wow, you’ve grown” or God forbid telling him that he’s becoming a man—Yikes! (He’s 14 and he still tells people that he’s 12, or 11 if he can push it!) It’s a hot button for sure—so you’d better watch out!! And when this unfortunate person tells him such a (dreadful) thing as that, then he can become very upset. In the past it was like watching a crime scene unfold: He would get so red in the face and I could tell that he was gonna blow if I didn’t get him out, and out fast…or switch the subject very quickly so that maybe Nick didn’t notice, hear, or simply forget what they had said. And if he did hear (and didn’t forget) and that I’m just plum out of luck and he doesn’t take it well (80/20% chance and against me), then what could happen next is not pretty and I warn you NOW because he could say: The F-word. Yes, it’s happened—twice, as I remember—once with a nice play date mom, all dressed in her nice summer whites, hair bonnet and pearls… Just kidding! But she might as well have been; and the other time was with my mother. (Aahh!) Talk about horror!!
Now I’m not a saint of a mother but I don’t say that word around my son, unless, of course, something dreadful is about to take place, like, for example: almost hitting a deer on the road. I mean what do you say when you swerve to avoid hitting one: “Oh Gosh Darn a deer,” or “Oh Shoot a deer”—NO, you say: “Oh, F… and brace yourself for bloody impact. I live in Plymouth—there are lots of deer here!
So there it is! I took the stand and told the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth … and admitted that my son is in “dreamland-juvenile-jail”—at least I hope it’s the juvenile kind—I mean just for saying the f-word in “good company,” I think they’d go easy on the poor kid with ASD, his mom and Jodi Foster, too? NO?
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Living with Aspergers/Autism: personality/disorder
Living with aspergers is probably the most interesting component of being a parent. Hey, who wants to raise a boring, typical kid anyway? Aren’t they usually materialistic and just hang out with their typical peers and age appropriate friends? Yeah!
But I’ve got someone else who has a very interesting approach to life and verbal spew. My son, Nick, tells me how it is—how it really is, and to everybody else as well, for that matter. I love this component to his personality: a telltale sign that he will always speak his mind freely and openly.
As with most people/kids on the autism spectrum, they do not understand little white lies, sarcasm and figure of speech…
For instance, when I ask Nick if I have wrinkles on my face—like around the eyes and mouth? He says an emphatic—"YES! "
Do I need my hair highlighted, can you see my roots, Nick? —"YES! "
Do I look a little fatter today than I did yesterday, Nick? …Well you get the picture.
One does not have to be autistic to be this painfully honest, all young kids are, as we know—they haven’t learned this little, delicate skill yet; but as autistic kids get older, they still hold on to that “Oh, so cute, brutal honesty” component that makes them so endearing—but only in some social settings.
Of course we help them learn the “play act” of little white lies in society; we need our kids to be accepted and liked, after all.
Same thing goes for sarcasm and a "figure of speech" concept. I’m still trying to teach this to Nick. He takes everything so literally, and he so often will come home from school peeved about something or other… and it’s my job to ask him what happened? (This time!) And what did this person say to him? And to help him understand—it’s not personal!! (Then I need to define—“It’s not personal.”) Ugh, and the vicious cycle expands.
For instance, the other day I said to him “Oh, don’t eat Wasabi, it's so hot (spicy) you'll die!” Uh, his eyes blew open and my autism meter was in the red.
He does get very mad at himself when he takes things too far. It’s his nature—the perfectionist (OCD) side of his personality (disorder); or when he can’t do something successfully the very first time, like win at his Nintendo DS or Wii games; or even ride his bike—his temper goes into overkill:
Personality and disorder—tell me, does one define the other? Nick’s disorder does affect his personality in more ways than one. Outside of his autism lies a boy who is fun, easy-going and has a great sense of humor. Which other people also enjoy and love him for.
The other side is his monster: OCD, perfectionism, anxiety-ridden burden that he is learning to live with (and me too); to reduce it, to shrink it down to an itty-bitty flaw and nothing more… I mean we all have flaws; no ONE is perfect.
That’s my job!
More on Disorders
But I’ve got someone else who has a very interesting approach to life and verbal spew. My son, Nick, tells me how it is—how it really is, and to everybody else as well, for that matter. I love this component to his personality: a telltale sign that he will always speak his mind freely and openly.
As with most people/kids on the autism spectrum, they do not understand little white lies, sarcasm and figure of speech…
For instance, when I ask Nick if I have wrinkles on my face—like around the eyes and mouth? He says an emphatic—"YES! "
Do I need my hair highlighted, can you see my roots, Nick? —"YES! "
Do I look a little fatter today than I did yesterday, Nick? …Well you get the picture.
One does not have to be autistic to be this painfully honest, all young kids are, as we know—they haven’t learned this little, delicate skill yet; but as autistic kids get older, they still hold on to that “Oh, so cute, brutal honesty” component that makes them so endearing—but only in some social settings.
Of course we help them learn the “play act” of little white lies in society; we need our kids to be accepted and liked, after all.
Same thing goes for sarcasm and a "figure of speech" concept. I’m still trying to teach this to Nick. He takes everything so literally, and he so often will come home from school peeved about something or other… and it’s my job to ask him what happened? (This time!) And what did this person say to him? And to help him understand—it’s not personal!! (Then I need to define—“It’s not personal.”) Ugh, and the vicious cycle expands.
For instance, the other day I said to him “Oh, don’t eat Wasabi, it's so hot (spicy) you'll die!” Uh, his eyes blew open and my autism meter was in the red.
He does get very mad at himself when he takes things too far. It’s his nature—the perfectionist (OCD) side of his personality (disorder); or when he can’t do something successfully the very first time, like win at his Nintendo DS or Wii games; or even ride his bike—his temper goes into overkill:
Personality and disorder—tell me, does one define the other? Nick’s disorder does affect his personality in more ways than one. Outside of his autism lies a boy who is fun, easy-going and has a great sense of humor. Which other people also enjoy and love him for.
The other side is his monster: OCD, perfectionism, anxiety-ridden burden that he is learning to live with (and me too); to reduce it, to shrink it down to an itty-bitty flaw and nothing more… I mean we all have flaws; no ONE is perfect.
That’s my job!
More on Disorders
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