Teens, Sex and Television (Ugh!)

My son seems to be making transformations of his own lately…. That is, he is only watching television shows that display, talk about, and refer to the act of sex. And he’s learning about this stuff from, um, television’s very high quality programming (extreme sarcasm here): Two and a Half Men, for example, yeah, nothing like learning about womanizing and inappropriate sexual comments, and, unfortunately, it’s his personal fave… I always hear him cracking up a laugh or two over its stupid and perverted jokes…. Jokes that he doesn’t get…at least I think he doesn’t. but I think he likes the kissing scenes and the half naked women leaning over the bed, kinda thing. Ohhh, geez!!!!!!

And there’s another show called Family Guy. I’ve never actually watched this one but after overhearing it on the TV, I quickly realized it has sexual references. So I ran down to the family room to hover (not to criticize, just observe nonchalantly) and Nick quickly changed it to CNN. Yeah, right! That’s the equivalent of the time that I had just gotten my drivers license (at 17) and told my mother that I was meeting a friend at the "library." Yeah, right! Let me also back that statement with the well know fact that I’ve only actually been to our public library maybe twice in my youth…

So no, Nick, I don’t believe you were watching CNN.

I do believe, however, that you were watching something with sex themes (please tell me that they are not graphic.), but here I must stop myself because I realize that you are 15 now—as hard as that is for me to believe, but when did sex become an interest??? Dirty jokes, Madd magazine, do you even get the comedy? But that’s not up for me to argue or deny, because you are a growing boy just trying to feel your way to adulthood… I get it. I was your age, too. However, my dad bought me, um, higher quality magazines, like Redbook and Young Miss, the real and healthy way to get all the answers—and I did, quite surprisingly—and genius on his part. I also relished some of the young teen fiction books located at my school’s library (when one is forced to go to the library, then one is in search of sexually interesting books…). Yes, in fact, that is where I learned that "sex is like an itch that you need to scratch." (Hmm, not sure if that’s any better?) Anyway, it’s my turn to teach and I am failing miserably. So if anyone knows todays equivalent of Young Miss magazine, but for young men, then please let me know what you would recommend---and if superheroes are the theme, then it’s a done deal!! And I am not talking about what’s happening to my body books, he’s got those, I just need to feed his peaked interest of the nature and, perhaps, the mechanics of sex in a more positive way—if possible.

OMG I can’t believe I had to blog about this….

Playdates

An interesting thing happened a couple of weeks ago. We were walking into a—not so—local restaurant for Easter dinner with my family and spotted a family that we knew. Actually, they’re one of our neighbors who live up the street from us, and their kids used to play with my kids—especially with Nick, and expecially this one girl he liked. It was actually a nice period of time, a few years back, that kids would come into our yard and play with my kids… Ahhh, doesn’t that sound so nice!? And how did I pull that one off? I mean, how did I get a bunch of neighborhood kids interested in playing with my special needs kids who could not leave their yard. I vamped up my backyard with every toy imaginable—that’s how. I added a huge swing set w/ a fort, a fun trampoline, a basketball hoop, badminton, horseshoes, baseball game… get the picture? I bribed them to play with my kids without the actual contract. Until the day came that they all got bored. Sad! But the good part of this story was that when all the kids had dissipated and went off to the next fun yard, there was one boy who lingered. He was our immediate neighbor who happened to be the exact same age as Nick, and he would come over to play with him almost everyday, and sincerely, too! They would play on the trampoline together, then go to the family room and play a Play Station game… it was so nice for Nick, and I think this boy enjoyed himself, as well.

Then one morning while I was making coffee and looking out the window, my eyes did a doubled take in the direction of this boy’s front yard—I squatted, squinted, and with my mouth hung open wide, I saw the sign: For Sale.

Fuc* was my immediate reply.

But back at the restaurant, we said our very pleasant hellos to our neighbors and their extended family and moved on to our table led by the hostess. At the very next table from ours was a girl who I immediately recognized as a friend of Nick’s from school; a girl he knew from his special needs classroom. I said Hello to the girl and then quickly scanned the table to where her mother was sitting… I said a very nice hello, as did she, and as she was telling her husband who I was… I saw a look in her eyes that clearly said: You snob!

Meanwhile, Nick sat at his seat that was somewhat facing the girl’s chair. After seeing the girl, he immediately placed his hood from his hoodie on his head and I had to say, “Uh Nick, no hood, buddy.” I knew what he was doing; he was trying to hide.

I called it being civilized. I did not care about the people who were sitting next to us (either one of the tables) or their feelings about me, etc…We were having a nice dinner with our family--as were they--and that was all.

I bet you want to know what happened, dontcha!!?

Before I tell you the interesting details, I will tell you that it was an interesting dichotomy to be sitting between these two groups of families—that was for sure!!

At the beginning of the year, or shortly after, Nick was invited to this girl’s house for a playdate. After asking him if he wanted to go over her house and he replied yes, I called to make the playdate appointment. (Strange to say appointment isn’t it? Growing up as a kid in my small development, one merely ran around the neighborhood and pounded on any door that looked fun to play at…). On that day, I drove Nick to his playdate since he could not go over by himself because it was about 4 miles away, and even it wasn’t that far, I still couldn’t have him go to a compete strangers house by himself. (Again, unlike when I grew up. I remember banging on the door of the “new people's house” in the neighborhood and asking if she (the woman) had children—and when she said No, she asked me if I wanted to come in for some tea and cookies. I, of course, said yes—I mean, really now!! But how bored must this woman have been… entertaining a young, dirty 7-year-old girl who had just climbed a tree (probably) and sporting bare feet (most likely) with tea poured from a china teapot and offering tea cookies on a silver tray!! Uh, well I exaggerated the silver tray part, but you get my point!)

Now I’m not that experienced with playdates… it’s been a while. But I wasn’t just going to drop him off and leave… From the way the girl’s mother welcomed Nick into the house, it seemed like that was her plan. No, I hung out and was deathly bored. But that was okay, I mean… I wanted Nick to have fun on his playdate—or date. Do 14-year-olds have playdates?? This girl has special needs too. Down Syndrome, actually, and she was very sweet and nice to Nick, and who also seemed to have a crush on him. I think Nick was curious about where she lived and, well, being asked over to her house was new for him; it doesn’t come along very often. Um, almost never, actually!

To make a long story short, the following week I offered to have the girl come to our house… and we had pizza, soda drinks, and some wine for the mom. Then the following week, the mom emailed me to have Nick come over again. Nick agreed and I sat there talking with the mom for an hour and Nick was doing nothing more than watching TV with the girl. Bottom line, they had nothing in common, and by the next invitation, Nick asked me if he “had” to go over and I said “absolutely not.” So he declined. Actually, I had to do the dirty work and tell them that he was busy, etc. And after three, or so, emails later, she finally got the hint that Nick didn’t want to come over… at least that’s what I would have thought. I mean, what is one to do??

Unfortunately, the girl started being a little mean to Nick at school—she was in the next classroom over from Nick’s class and would see him intermittently throughout the day. I knew it was her way of being mad at Nick for not coming over anymore.

And this mom’s face at the restaurant had said it all.

I mean, what is one to do?

All’s fair in love and war; all’s fair in special needs and typical kids alike, whether we like it or not.

Oh, To Be Retired at 14

We feel like very bad parents… I say this because our son Nick (who has special needs) doesn’t know how to do the one thing that just about every kid takes pleasure in across the globe. This thing is (gulp)…riding a bike. Oh holy confession!

We have had many bikes for him through the years and have taught him to enjoy his bike with training wheels attached, as all parents do. But when the time came for taking the training wheels off and making him learn to ride without the extra wheels (tough love, tough love), he did fine. I remember the day very well. His father would start him off and run with him until he got the hang of it--and after many tries--he did it and I remember how the tears welled up from my eyes!!

This very day was also the first time I heard him use the word "retired." “I’m ‘retired’ from that” was what he said, and I thought he said “tired.” So I would say, okay we will try again some other time…yada yada, yada.

Well, “some other time” didn’t happen very easily. He just has no interest in trying. I mean, we have tried--oh, boy, have we tried to get him to ride his bike. And again, “I’m retired with that.” (Tired? Tired?)

So FLASH forward a few years to present day and my son and I are driving through Starbuck’s (daily event, people) and we have almost the same conversation:

"Want a cookie, Nick?"
"Yeah!"
"What kind?"
"Chocolate chip!"
"Okay, got some money?" While holding out my hand as if to say: hand it over, buster!
Sometimes he just digs through my purse and pulls out whatever he finds—cute, huh!
Or he ignores me as if this silly game isn’t funny anymore.
And the latest time he said “No, I don’t have any money!”
"Well then you’ll just have to get a job and make some money!!" (half kidding)
"NO, I’m not going to work. I’m retired."
"Oh Really!!!!"

SHAZAM! I finally got it!

It’s my father’s fault! (Yeah, that’s right--blame him!) But whenever he goes over to my parents’ house for a sleep over, he notices that “retired” Grandpa is living the life:

Grandpa watches TV whenever he wants;
Grandpa and Grandma (blame her too) go off to the movies, the ice cream shop and the fair (oh, my); and he even plays on the computer everyday too!!

Hey, it’s the “Retired man’s life” and Nick has clearly tuned in and is all over it like a BAT out of Hell!! HELP!!

More on Gross Motor Skills and Aspergers/Autism

(Notice all the references to Superheroes!! Nick would be impressed! (see previous post) )