"What's ...."

“What’s a Dick?”

Oh Geez, here we go again, influenced by kids and hearing things he doesn’t quite understand because he takes things so literally, so I have to try and explain—such as the life with autism.

“Where did you hear that, Nick?”

Impatiently he says, “I just know it.” Which is my cue for: just tell me what I want to know and stop asking me so many questions—such as the life with a teenager…

“Well it references a boy’s penis.”

“Uhhh, N000!” Embarrassed smile.

“It’s not a nice thing to say. Some kids call kids this when they’re just kidding around… but it’s usually said when someone is mad at someone else, like calling someone a jerk. It’s not a nice thing to call someone.”

“It’s not a nice thing to say?"

“No.”

“It’s mean?”

“Yes.”

So I start talking to myself… just not out loud, this time… Please, please don’t tell me that someone is calling you a dick, please, please, oh, please…

“Oh, so my Grandpa is a dick?”

Huh?? ....... “Oohhhh!!!" “Uh hum" (throat clearing uncomfortable moment), "um, in this case, Yes, Grandpa is a Dick ........ his name is Richard and his friends call him Dick!! It's a nickname and a name!!”

Oh My and Phew!! And big smiles all around...

And a lesson learned for this mom—don’t always assume the worse case scenario!!!!

And poor Grandpa..... ;)

Octuplet Mom and Autistic child and Babysitter adventures or nightmares

This ended up being a combination of two posts …

First off I wanted to ask if you’ve heard the latest about the newest mother of 14. I’m talking about the single, unemployed mom who has given birth to octuplets (3rd in the world) in addition to her other 6 children. I know, trust me, it’s just as hard to write that number as it is to read it. But I’ve just learned that one of her children has autism. Good grief! And as you may already know, the chances of one (or more) of the newest 8 also having autism is higher for her because she already has an autistic child (and same donor); next to the fact that these children could have other issues like PDD or other disabilities that preemies are at risk for.

This mom is in her early 30s, done with having children—We. Can. Only. Hope. And is now going to care for 8 newborns—again, that’s eight babies--all at once! And not including her other 6 young kids—that’s six! Equals 14. And she’s going to do all of this while going back to school for her master’s degree in psychology. HELLO!! And, psychology? now isn’t that ironic? I mean, who in their right mind would ever think about potentially having 14 kids (IVF), with no job, no money, almost no house, and no husband… and don’t forget, one of her kids is autistic. Now that’s a real question! More about her story here.

Good grief. I know, I said that already! Now one could either bow to her and worship the saintly ground that she walks on or call her an unfit mother for being, well—selfish. Selfish for putting her needs and her wants before the welfare of her children… again, ironic.

And what’s on everyone's mind now is an interview with the doctor (Dr. Michael Kamrava ) who implanted the 6 embryos when the single mom already had 6 other children and questionable mental health issues. The state medical board apparently also wants one, too, and is now investigating.

Personally, I could barely handle 2 autistic kids as a stay at home mom--with a house, and a working husband. And as my kids grew to 2 and 3, I was cranky and exhausted and I could only dream of having a babysitter… at least. I guess octuplet-mom is now getting one (or perhaps a crew) and thank goodness for the sake of the children—read here.

Which leads me to tell you about my adventures with babysitters. Funny, sad, pathetic?—you tell me: One day a wonderful (saint) older woman—who was also a family friend— begged to come and baby-sit for me. I was too busy laughing hysterically before realizing that she wasn’t kidding. I, of course, took her up on the offer and was determined to have a good time out—considering that I thought it would be my last…

This wonderful woman drove almost an hour to get to our house. We greeted her at the door with huge smiles and hugs, seated her at a nice spot on the couch--perfectly placed in front of the TV, clicker in hand. We hosted (bribed) her with appetizers and beer—poured before her very eyes into a freshly chilled glass… Now how many people give their sitter a beer? huh? Case in point—we were desperate! We had made sure that she was all set and that our children were freshly washed and in their pjs with books piled up high before them on the couch hoping that they looked, well, busy for a while--or at least until we actually left the front porch …. And ran to our car … burning rubber out the driveway…

But it worked out great and the babysitter actually came back, too.

But then one day we got cheeky and moved. We moved away for the sake of our sanity and our children’s education… (a little inside joke there). We moved to an ocean-side community and to more educational opportunities… and more babysitters, too? Well that was a different story.

We had money from the Arc for a PCA (personal care attendant) and then we received even more funding (DOE Fund) for Meghan through the state (DMR) because of the severity of her disability. This fund is usually given to people whose next option would be residential school. It was a desperate attempt to keep her home… But, the hidden secret to this hopeful promise was that the choices of helpers had become a huge problem in itself, hence…

Babysitter from hell number 1: she was a young 21-year-old pathological liar. Yes, one discovers this sort of thing when one has an almost daily presence in your home. And the stories would keep you entertained for days… and did. Let me humor you with a little taste: Lie #1, she was in college—an almost finished—with her degree in speech therapy. Uh, Nope—lie. Lie # 2, she actually had a car to get to work. Uh, NO. Lie # 3, she broke her arm one day and had to go to a bone specialist—her exact words. The very next day she came back to work with no cast, but a sling, and was using her, um, broken arm on numerous occasions w/o the aide of her “cast-sling-thing”… Then one day, she just never came back. No call, nothing.

Babysitter from hell number 2: a real college student (studying for her OT license)--oh yay, you say? Come to learn very quickly that she had no interest in the field. None. Actually, she had no interest in babysitting either. None. Actually, she was afraid of my kids and wouldn’t go near them unless forced, actually!

Babysitter from hell number 3: She was a culinary arts teacher who got laid off and told me that she really, really, really wanted the job. After about, what--10 minutes-- let’s just say, she was working with Meghan and Nick took a temper tantrum which caused Meghan to cry out and scare babysitter number 3 and bye-bye babysitter number 3, because she grabbed her jacket and ran out of my house … really fast!

And last but not least, babysitter number 4 was really special. She was about 20 and told me a few days after I had hired her that she was pregnant… Oh, joy! So what do you think happened next? Well let’s just say, to an observing eye, it may have appeared that I was working for her… Hard to fire someone who obviously needed a job, now isn’t it? I did get lucky though, because she was confined to bed rest early in her pregnancy and had to stop working … Yahoo! Then she went on welfare.

I was done. Done! Did you hear me, DONE!

Then something wonderful and almost magical happened--my brother--my flesh and blood who would do me no wrong, decided to take the job. Ahhh, and cue that oh so familiar song: Hallelujah….

Oh, and I do hope the best for octuplet-mom and her 14 kids …

Franklin Park Zoo fun and Sing-a-longs in March

Ohhh, March, does that mean spring is almost here!!? And the zoo is great fun for all kids, and adults alike, especially since it's getting warmer outside!!

So Leap into Spring! March 8, Franklin Park Zoo, Boston, MA

Year of the Frog may be over, but the amphibian crisis is not. Turn your clock ahead and come learn how you can be a friend to frogs through fun games and activities. At Franklin Park Zoo, celebrate our amphibian friends, as well as the start of spring, with some froggy fun in a special education program! The Leap into Spring program will be held from 10:30 to 11:15 a.m. for children ages 3 to 4, and from 1:00 to 2:00 p.m. for children ages 8 to 10. The additional cost for this event is $8 for members and $10 for non-members (cost includes adult/child pair for the early class). To register, call 617-989-3742. At Stone Zoo, stop by the Animal Discovery Center between 11:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m. to learn about amphibians. There is no cost for the Stone Zoo program.

2nd listing: Sing-a-Longs with Su Eaton! Every Saturday in March, 11:00 a.m. – Noon, Franklin Park Zoo
Escape the winter chill and bring your little ones down to the always-balmy Tropical Forest for family entertainment provided by our professional children’s entertainer during our Saturday Sing-a-Longs! Wildly popular children’s entertainer, Su Eaton, will perform every Saturday in March. These events will be held in the Hippo Theater at Franklin Park Zoo and are free with general Zoo admission. Saturday Sing-a-Longs will be held March 7, 14, 21 and 28. This event is free with general admission.

General Admission: Adults: $12.00
Senior Admission (62+): $10.00
Child Admission (ages 2-12): $7.00
Children under 2: Free
Members: Free

My son found a new habit ...

My little boy is now a coffee drinker. Uh, let me rephrase: My little almost 15-year-old baby boy is now drinking coffee. Yeah, he woke up two days ago and poured himself a hot one … Mixing in milk and adding some sugar, he sat down and drank coffee as one who looked like he’d been drinking coffee his whole-hard-lived-long life.

No, I didn’t panic. But I did watch the drug invade my son’s body for the first time with horrified interest… And I started to think back to when I first started drinking coffee...

I was almost sixteen. I know this because I began working at Dunkin Donuts with my older sister (who got me the job) and, of course, drinking coffee was one of the “perks”… so I obliged and then became “hooked”--of course, isn’t that the way?

Light with cream and lots of sugar was how I first blended it. Almost like a creamy, coffee flavored dessert--a liquid donut, if you will…

Through the years following, I had stayed somewhat true to this sweet and light delicacy, while enjoying the caffeine (and sugar) rush, or high--however. Even when packed in a business conference room during my working years … I was always amazed at how people could actually drink coffee--black … What, no added creaminess or sweetness? It was usually on my mind next to eyeing the trays of freshly made gourmet sandwiches and other tasty desserts that accompanied our meetings. A nice distraction from listening to the world of investments: stocks, bonds and mutual funds …. ah, how boring; I don’t even know how I ever survived those years!! Thank the world for coffee!

It was also here that I was told that I wasn’t a true coffee drinker. Even though I "needed” the coffee in the morning and “enjoyed” it during my day to keep me moving and alert--just like them--the real coffee drinkers? I was told that I was a fraud; a fraud coffeeholic. Huh??? I wasn’t sure if I actually agreed with this mentality. I mean coffee drinking is coffee drinking, is it not? It starts off steaming hot and black, but so what if one adds in a hint of cream, or takes it with milk; mixes in some sugar; chooses it au lait, espresso, latte; or goes for the gold and adds in a shot of Bailey’s, oh, yum! --but, no matter--if you like or need coffee, then you are a true coffee drinker; a connoisseur; a dreamer of Juan Valdez dancing in your head … oh, well maybe that last one is going a bit too far!!

So now that coffee--and all of its funny nicknames: java--cup-o-joe, has so intrigued, seduced and captured my son with its bold, eye-wakening aroma; and who (from my observations) now wears the glowing, caffeine-induced “perky” smile; and has made this new leap--inching further into adulthood-- as the newest member of our zombie-like, ever-so-worshiping-our morning- drug world and its rituals. What else can I possibly say but--welcome, welcome to a new dawn, son… Welcome to the druggies’ world. There’s no turning back now …

Sigh.


Learn some fun coffee facts here and more here.

My Other A-Word

Two older Irish gentlemen came to the door. No, this is not some silly joke, it’s real and they were spreading the word of God. The only difference between these two fellas and some, um, other … ahhh, more “eccentric” looking guy that one might have expected to come to the door--and one in which I would’ve had to quickly fake malaria--um, the contagious kind--and would be forced to shut the door, immediately… Or I might have used the old standby: Ah, my kids are running with knives, so I really gotta goooo…

No. Instead, these guys were the kind who looked like your average grandpa. Or better yet, two fellas you would definitely sit down with and chug back a beer--or two. A nice Irish brew, perhaps.

But as someone who can’t seem to shut the hell up: call me fearless; call me looking for trouble; or perhaps just someone who likes to antagonize when prompted--who knows--but I kindly said three words to them that were honest and honestly looking to end all discussion.

I’m an atheist. (Or is that four words?)

Oooh, I couldn’t believe I said it either… and how easily it seemed to spring from my (big, fat) mouth. I mean one just doesn’t go around saying such things in good company. It’s just …well… so unacceptable.

It was on my mind and on the tip of my tongue, but my better, less mouthy side told me to hold back, don’t go there… don’t do it--they’re such nice fellas.

But then again, perhaps that’s why I said it.

Both men reacted to the a-word. The first man closest to my door shifted back on his other foot to get a better look at, um, well--atheism. And the other fella looked like he finally woke up.

Geez. All that these guys were trying to do was pass along a few pamphlets and say a few nice words, that’s all.

Now I wasn’t trying to antagonize them; the word just demonstrated who I was and what I believed… as we all are different. Perhaps I thought I could open up to these nice looking Irish grandpas. I mean, my grandpa has long since passed, and perhaps I wanted to share my thoughts--that is, exhibiting my nice, wistful side. Or perhaps it was the knowledge that few people would disagree or turn away the all–knowing, wiser, friendly face of the lucky Irish, so nice marketing--oh, my evil side.

So these fellas were not shocked or “scared” by my otherwise free spirited candor. Nor did they feel mistreated by the revelation. Instead they interviewed me and asked me if I was always “this way…”

I said yes. And I continued with the fact that I thought spirituality was a good thing for the right person. And I certainly encourage it for those who choose to seek it. I’m just not one who does and never have been.

The other fella, the one who I apparently just woke up, asked me if I grew up with religion. And I told him I did. As a matter of fact, I attended Catholic church every Sunday with my family; graduated from Sunday school at 18; and I got married in a Catholic church, too, oh my.

“So you don’t believe in a higher being”
“No, I really don’t." And I sloppily continued with, "I’m more of a concrete thinker." (Oh, forgive me if that sounds arrogant.)
The guy standing closest to me came in even closer, so close that he almost touched my nose and said in a most Irish accent: "If it’s not here and tangible, while knocking on my aluminum siding (not the effect that I think he was going for), then you don’t believe, eh?"

I said yes. I supported my thoughts with the fact that I don’t believe that after this life we go on to another…

And then the most shocking thing came from my mouth, next to speaking the words of my childhood devil “atheist.”

Well I also have two autistic children. Now isn’t that interesting? Why did I feel the need to say that? Was I just trying to demonstrate my personal beliefs?--and let’s face it, there are other atheists in the world, not just me--or was I trying to say if there was a God, then why would He have screwed me and my kids? Why would autism and other special needs exist if it proved to be a challenging life or a life of suffering? Or maybe since I never believed in Him then he doesn’t believe in me and handed me a much tougher life--so there.

How convoluted is that… No, I’m not a psycho, it’s just the product of a crazy mix of being raised forced to believe in something and someone that I just don’t--so, of course, I would sound conflicting. And nature vs. nurture theory would prove that I’m an atheist by nature. It’s just the way I think; the here and now.

But it was an interesting visit to say the least; almost blaming someone I don’t believe in for my problems …

One of the gentlemen smiled with his face still up close to mine and gave me two pamphlets and asked me to read an article--if I would--of interest to me, perhaps; and then kindly asked if he could come back and visit again--in the spring--to check in on me.

Nice fella.

Probably thinking that I’m some kind of mental case.

When they left I quickly looked at the article that he left open, it was an article with a beautiful sunset and captioned: How to make the world a better place, through kindness and love.

I smiled.

Then a few moments later as I was pulling out of the driveway I noticed an advertisement stuck on my mailbox that I had to tilt my head and squint my eyes to read: If you’ve got a problem, then let me fix it.

Ohhh. I wonder who left that one?

Ringling Bros. and Mom Central deal and giveaway

Love the circus? I do and the Ringling Bros. is not to be missed if you haven't yet been. Both my kids have enjoyed this show in the past, so I thought I'd pass this great deal along to all of you!! Read on from Stacy DeBroff of Mom Central.

Last year, Mom Central and Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® teamed up to provide families across the country with a special opportunity to experience The Greatest Show On Earth®. Our national survey found that 88% of Moms regarded Ringling Bros.® as a "not to be missed" childhood experience, and, from the enthusiastic feedback we received, we want to provide you with another special opportunity to see one of the three incredible, entirely different Ringling Bros. productions with your family.

The Mom Central team recently had the pleasure of checking out the newest production from Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey in Orlando, FL, and we were blown away by the energy, music, dancing and really outstanding illusions found in ZING ZANG ZOOM. The show features magical Zingmaster Alex Ramon, who had us gasping in disbelief at the grand illusions that he performed, and is an amazing interactive family experience merged with traditional circus acts that were remarkable. It brought back the magic of the circus from our own childhoods and reminded us of the importance of passing down the lifetime memory and tradition of experiencing Ringling Bros. as a family to our children.

With the economy posing a challenge for many families, the value of a night out at Ringling Bros. is high, as the experience includes the All Access Pre-show, a fun opportunity to meet circus performers and dress up in clown costumes, which happens one hour before each performance.
We are excited to extend the following special family offers:

Offer #1: Get 4 tickets for just $44 by entering the code "MOM" at select ticketing channels**. Offer good on all performances, minimum purchase of 4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Offer not valid on Circus Celebrity Seating, Front Row and VIP seating or combinable with other offers. Other Restrictions May Apply.

Offer #2: A select amount of Front Row and VIP seats have been reserved for you to buy before they go on sale to the public - just enter the code "MOM" when purchasing those seats. Dates and cities where families can use the national MOM discount code this spring are as follows:

Newark/East Rutherford/Uniondale/NYC Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM March 5 - April 13 Offer not valid on performances from April 10 - 13 at Madison Square Garden
Washington D.C./ Fairfax, VA/ Baltimore, MD Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top March 18-April 19
Philadelphia Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM May 13-May 25
Phoenix Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM June 24-June 28
Houston Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top July 15-July 26
Anaheim/LA/Ontario Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM July 8-August 2
San Francisco Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM August 12-August 23
Dallas/Ft Worth Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top July 29-August 16
Sacramento Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM August 27-August 30
Kansas City Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top September 16-September 20

To learn more about the three Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey shows touring the country this year visit http://www.ringling.com/, and visit http://www.ticketmaster.com/ to use the 4 tickets for $44 code, MOM. We are also giving away a four pack of tickets to each of the above Ringling shows. If you live in one of these areas, you can enter to win here. Good luck!!

*Please note that these offers are also valid for Disney On Ice shows in select cities - visit http://www.disneyonice.com/ to find a show near you.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE INFO. ABOUT DISNEY ON ICE --SAME DEAL-- LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS OR EMAIL ME AND I WILL EMAIL YOU THE CITIES AND INFO...

Ringling Bros. and Mom Central Circus Deal and Giveaway

Love the circus? I do and the Ringling Bros. in not to be missed if you haven't yet been. Both my kids have enjoyed this show in the past so I thought I'd pass this great deal along to all of you!! Read on from Stacey DeBroff at Mom Central:

Last year, Mom Central and Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® teamed up to provide families across the country with a special opportunity to experience The Greatest Show On Earth®. Our national survey found that 88% of Moms regarded Ringling Bros.® as a "not to be missed" childhood experience, and, from the enthusiastic feedback we received, we want to provide you with another special opportunity to see one of the three incredible, entirely different Ringling Bros. productions with your family.

The Mom Central team recently had the pleasure of checking out the newest production from Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey in Orlando, FL, and we were blown away by the energy, music, dancing and really outstanding illusions found in ZING ZANG ZOOM. The show features magical Zingmaster Alex Ramon, who had us gasping in disbelief at the grand illusions that he performed, and is an amazing interactive family experience merged with traditional circus acts that were remarkable. It brought back the magic of the circus from our own childhoods and reminded us of the importance of passing down the lifetime memory and tradition of experiencing Ringling Bros. as a family to our children.

With the economy posing a challenge for many families, the value of a night out at Ringling Bros. is high, as the experience includes the All Access Pre-show, a fun opportunity to meet circus performers and dress up in clown costumes, which happens one hour before each performance.

We are excited to extend the following special family offers:

· Offer #1: Get 4 tickets for just $44 by entering the code "MOM" at select ticketing channels**. Offer good on all performances, minimum purchase of 4 tickets required; additional tickets above 4 can be purchased at $11 each. Offer not valid on Circus Celebrity Seating, Front Row and VIP seating or combinable with other offers. Other Restrictions May Apply.·

Offer #2: A select amount of Front Row and VIP seats have been reserved for you to buy before they go on sale to the public - just enter the code "MOM" when purchasing those seats. Dates and cities where families can use the national MOM discount code this spring are as follows:

Newark/East Rutherford/Uniondale/NYC Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM March 5 - April 13 Offer not valid on performances from April 10 - 13 at Madison Square Garden

Washington D.C./ Fairfax, VA/ Baltimore, MDRingling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top March 18-April 19
Philadelphia Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOMMay 13-May 25
PhoenixRingling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOMJune 24-June 28
HoustonRingling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The Top July 15-July 26 Anaheim/LA/OntarioRingling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM July 8-August 2
San Francisco Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOM August 12-August 23
Dallas/Ft WorthRingling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The TopJuly 29-August 16
SacramentoRingling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® presents ZING ZANG ZOOMAugust 27-August 30
Kansas CityRingling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey® proudly presents Over The TopSeptember 16-September 20

To learn more about the three Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey shows touring the country this year visit http://www.ringling.com/, and visit http://www.ticketmaster.com/ to use the 4 tickets for $44 code, MOM. We are also giving away a four pack of tickets to each of the above Ringling shows. If you live in one of these areas, you can enter to win here. Good luck!!

*Please note that these offers are also valid for Disney On Ice shows in select cities - visit http://www.disneyonice.com/ to find a show near you.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE DISNEY ON ICE AND CITIES, LET ME KNOW AND I WILL EMAIL YOU THE INFORMATION... and SAME DEAL.

Engaging Autism, now in paperback

From: Lindsey Triebel, Marketing Manager, Da Capo Lifelong Books http://www.dacapopress.com/:

I’m writing to let you know about the paperback release of Engaging Autism: Using the Floortime Approach to Help Children Relate, Communicate, and Think by Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D. and Serena Wieder, PH.D.

Engaging Autism is an invaluable guide to the highly recommended Floortime approach for treating children with any type of autism spectrum disorder from the earliest signs in infancy through the school years and beyond. Now available in paperback, it includes new, exciting information on neuroscience research, plus guidance for parents navigating the controversies surrounding the treatment of autism.

Praise for Engaging Autism: “This is a valuable book: valuable to parents who worry about their child, valuable to professionals who are consulted, valuable to the teams (parents and professionals) who are looking for interventions for this frightening disorder. Floortime and the DIR programs are exciting innovations and dramatically effective.”

—T. Berry Brazelton, M.D., Clinical Professor of Pediatrics. Emeritus, Harvard Medical School

For further information about the book and its authors, please visit: dacapopress.com



I have not read this book as of yet, but I have read The Child with Special Needs, by Greenspan and Wieder, many, many years ago. It was one of the first books that we'd read at the start of our journey with autism ... I used the well known Floortime approach which I thought was very helpful, effective and a good start at learning and interacting with my children.

Lisa Jo Rudy, About.com: Autism read the book and shared her thoughts here, including the pros and cons and a description of the book.

Have you read this book, what are your thoughts?

Socially Unacceptable

I was at the comic store with Nick, again, and we had a bit of a social opportunity… but then again, not so much. Nick was trying to look at comic books, as he always does when we’re at the mall, and the guy who worked there was straightening the comics and making sure that all was perfect. Nick was hovering and avoiding as he usually does when someone is in his, um, “space.” Nick wanted to look at the section that the guy was straightening (but not really needed much since the area looked great as it was). The guy spotted Nick and said “How ya doing buddy, everything good?” It was a nice way of saying how ya doing dontcha just love comics??? And, as always, I’m someone there, too; located just off center stage, set back to the side but safely in Nick's “protective” eye view and ear shot… “Not too far away, Mom,” Nick might say. So when this guy said that to him, Nick responded in his typical way… he turned away from the guy as if he wanted to forget that the guy was trying to talk to him.

Ughhhhhh!! Two years of social skills class and this is still what’s going on… I want my money back!!

So there I was (as usual) to speak up for Nick and say, “Yup everything is fine.” Now go away so I don’t have to stand here all day, buddy!!! The guy looked at me in a strange sort of way and nods. I understood this strange look all too well. It was pretty much equal to: What’s this almost 15 year old kid doing hanging around with his mom; and, furthermore, what’s the mom doing answering questions for him … hey, cut the cord already, lady!!

I know, I know. I’m asking myself the same question. It’s the same question I ask myself whenever we’re at the mall, the supermarket, Target, and Nick still needs me in his range of sight--no more than 10 feet away. And, needless to say, he is still so far from being able to stay home by himself, even for a few minutes. He’s just not there yet in his development. Simple as that.

I’m trying to question if this is an immaturity? His disorder? Or am I hanging on too tight and need to “cut the cord” already and force him to be out of my sight view for a few minutes at a time to exercise this developmental step. Or should I wait until he tells me that he’s ready and not force it? Trust me, I've tried to force it but he doesn't like it and I'm always afraid that he might panic.

And back at the comic store was a comical sight to take in: the guy was spending much of his time hovering around Nick and the comics section straightening bookshelves that were already perfect; meanwhile just a mere 15 feet, or so, away was this appalling sight.

Or perhaps I just have a case of OCD? Or perhaps I’m just getting back at the guy who made me feel like a bad mum…

No Bias, No Bull: Plea for Vaccinations

CNN’s Campbell Brown is never afraid to speak her mind and last night was no different. After reporting the newest (3 case study) findings that the MMR vaccine and vaccines containing the mercury based preservative does not cause autism. More on those findings here.

She made her own personal plea in light of the news that she is expecting her second baby and that she does not question that vaccines are safe. She also wanted the public to be aware that in 2008 the U.S. had the highest rate of measles in 10 years due to parents choosing not to vaccinate their children.

She continued with “Major medical groups and government research are
unanimous: the measles vaccine is safe, and you must get your children
vaccinated; because if you don't, you are endangering my children. You are
endangering your neighbor's children. You are endangering all of our
children.”

“Let's all move on together and focus on finding the real cause of
autism and at the same time protect all of our children from deadly diseases
like measles that we know how to prevent.”

As these new findings were reported yesterday, Autism Speaks and The Autism Society of America, two of the largest autism advocacy organizations, asked for more research into the “causes” of autism.

As always, your thoughts on these new findings?

CNN News links here: http://edition.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/02/12/campbell.brown.vaccine/#cnnSTCText

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/02/12/autism.vaccines/index.html#cnnSTCText

Rett Syndrome and Girl Power 2 Cure...

I received an email from a great group of "Fearless Females " over at Girl Power 2 Cure. It's a non profit organization dedicated to curing Rett Syndrome ... Read more from Kelly Butler, Program Director and a daughter who has Rett Syndrome, and check out their website:

I consider myself a fearless female as I raise my special needs daughter who has Rett Syndrome (most debilitating form of Autism that only affects girls) I thought about your blog and how it goes well with the non profit I work with Girl Power 2 Cure all of our girls fighting each day with Rett Syndrome are for sure Fearless Females too - we would love it if you would link to our site and honor our "Fearless Females!!"

http://www.girlpower2cure.org/

The “label” thing

Autistics, Aspies, Special Needs, a Disorder, my Daughter, my Son, Other:

What do you label your child? Or better yet, what does your special needs child (or adult) prefer to be tagged with?

This is not a hostile post, but I’ve noticed that people call their child (or themselves) with at least one of the aforementioned tags. And it’s interesting to note.

Personally, I’ve never liked hearing the “autistics” and “aspie” label, it has always rubbed me the wrong way--not sure why, but it just does, but I’m not a person with autism or asperger’s. However, I have read recently through another blog that a few people with Asperger’s syndrome do not like to be called aspies--someone actually said that, for them, it was like being called the “R” word. Interesting.

I’ve mentioned before that I don’t like labels and I have not labeled Nick with autism. That is, he does not know that he is on the autism spectrum--like his sister. He does not know what PDD is, nor does he know about MR or even that “R” is used in a derogatory manner--by horrible people. I know this because he has never come home and asked what the R-word means, but he has come home and asked me what: dork, butt head, idiot, nerd …all mean … No, I don’t like it either, but he hears it and wants more input. And it was lesson one in labels.

He knows his sister has “autism” because she is on the severe end of the spectrum and we use the label as a mere explanation for why she cannot talk and has behavioral issues. And why she had to go to a residential school.

Nick doesn’t question labels for himself. He just knows that he has an aide in school because he needs the “special help” and he wants the help, for now. But I am thinking that this may change for him. He might want a further explanation for the “special help” -- someday. Or perhaps some “bully” might offer him an explanation for him and open his eyes further into the world of labels.

I do know that my brother wanted an explanation for his “disorder” because of a childhood troubled by bullies. But he never got this conclusive label until he was an adult. He pursued it and was tagged with ADHD. And to me -- his sister, and someone who understand disorders -- I was relieved for him; I was relieved that he had the "diagnosis." It provided him with the explanation for his behavioral problems growing up -- the remedy; the “why” he was so different from the other kids; the mystery solved. It was a revelation for him and a diagnosis that happens to come with its own label -- like a present. Or is it?

I suppose it’s up to him if he wants to use the "label thing" -- it’s his label. I guess the choices are that he could ignore it and continue on with life with satisfaction that he understands more about himself and his DNA, or he could use it and tell the judging world that he has a disorder so give a little won’t ya…

To note, he has always used the I have “special needs” tag before he was diagnosed and sometimes I believed he used it as an excuse for fearing the world or not getting what he wants. And, as of late, I’ve often wondered if he’d switched to the I have “ADHD” tag to let the world know that he’s now "officially" at some kind of a disadvantage than his competing peer. Or perhaps he’s learned that a “label” really doesn’t get him very far.

I don’t know.

When the common cold causes common problems

Meghan has a common cold, therefore she is experiencing SIB (self injurious behavior) and assaultive behavior – not uncommon for Meghan and not uncommon for a lot of kids with autism. As some may know from your own autistic children, SIBs are hand biting, hair pulling, and some kids are even prone to head banging. Meghan has never done the latter, but hand biting is very common for her; so common that she sports a dry skin rash on her hand – a consequential blemish and a sign of a repetitive SIB problem.

As her mother it is never easy to hear that she has exhibited these behaviors, and, unfortunately, it seems just about every other week I’m told by her school contact teacher that she has exhibited SIBs – a solemn but true fact of life with Meghan.

It’s common sense to write down what triggered the behaviors in the first place, but sometimes I’m told it’s a mystery. Yeah, right? … uh, not really. As her mom -- and the only person who knows her so well -- I know that her hand biting is obviously due to a sign of frustration (well that’s evident to all), but with a few other imperceptible facts I can usually pinpoint what caused the outburst in the first place, such as: she is not getting what she wants (the stubborn girl); she is not completely understood (the frustrated girl); she wants her dinner and NOW (the very hungry girl); or she is not feeling well: fighting a cold or other (the poor sick girl).

What do these facts really do for me other than help me feel less helpless? Yeah, that’s what it comes down to. She can’t get away with these behaviors no matter what prompted them, but I feel as though I owe it to her to at least understand “why” she exhibits SIB and destructive behavior, and yesterday was no different. I had to hold my breath because I received two calls from her school (did you get that — two): one was her scheduled call from her teacher to tell me that she had some SIB, and the other was from the nurse. Yikes, the nurse call is never a good sign! I was told that she bit a teacher and drew blood. Ouch. Ouch to the fact that biting someone else hasn’t happened in over six months, and the first incident at her new school.

And now that you know that I feel helpless -- as one would in this situation -- what does a helpless parent do with this kind of information? Apologize? Certainly not. Actually, one of the very first and very wise comments made years ago by one of her teachers was: “You should never feel as though you have to apologize for your autistic child.” How true is that? And she was right, so I don’t -- and nor should you. Instead, I ask what lead to the problem to get to the “why”; the inexcusable, but explainable “why.”

As for yesterday I already knew that Meghan wasn’t feeling well -- and to me -- that only means that she’s nothing more than a ticking time bomb and I must wait patiently for these inevitable calls -- and without apology.

Don’t get me wrong; these are also the days that I feel bad for her teachers: the underpaid, sacrificial heroes that never let-up or run and hide (um, like I would – like anyone would when an enraged person is ready to strike), but, instead, they are unwavering in their approach and dedication to working with Meghan and not letting her autism get the better of her. Now that is a hero to Meghan and to the people who love her.

And I feel bad for me, too (yeah, I thought I’d throw that in), ‘cause she’s coming home today -- noontime to be exact. So if you’re the praying kind, then "pray." Pray for the weak, the vulnerable, the “prey” who is up against a nonverbal autistic girl and a very bad cold.

And her menstrual cycle.

Feb. Vacation Events: Franklin Park Zoo, Stone Zoo, Easton Children's Museum

February Vacation "Hot Stops" with the Kids… in Massachusetts
Things to do and places to visit if you’ve got kids—"all kids"—this February vacation:

1st Stop, Franklin Park Zoo, Boston, MA:

Help Little Joe Celebrate His 16th Birthday During February School Vacation Week
Franklin Park Zoo Plans Special Activities for “Go Ape Week”

Set off on a tropical excursion during February school vacation week - bring your family to Franklin Park Zoo for an ape-themed getaway! Little Joe turns 16, so Franklin Park Zoo will celebrate his birthday all week! Activities include:

~First 25 visitors per day receive a special gift
~Sign a large birthday card for Little Joe
~Enjoy gorilla-shaped birthday cake (on Monday, February 16)
~Opportunity to participate in a variety of creative and educational ape-related activities
~And, many other surprises throughout the week!

February 16 – 20 11AM – 3PM (Go Ape Week activities happening every day!) Monday, February 16 11AM; Enjoy complimentary “gorilla” birthday cake by Montilio’s Baking Company

Events are free with regular paid admission Franklin Park Zoo Admission: $12.00 for adults; $7.00 for children 2-12; children under 2 are free.

Tropical Forest, Franklin Park Zoo , One Franklin Park Road, Boston, MA FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: 617-541-LION or visit http://www.franklinparkzoo.org/

2nd Stop, Stone Zoo, Stoneham, MA:

Come Play the Animal Way! From: Stacey Goldsmith-Nathanson

February 16 – 20, 11:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m. Stone Zoo

Beat the humdrum winter routine and come out to Stone Zoo during February school vacation week. Watch wolves, coyotes and others have fun in the cold, and learn about neat animal adaptations to the winter temperatures. Just like you, animals can get bored when they’re cooped up all winter, so we have come up with some neat enrichment activities to keep them happy! Come and see all the creative things we do for our critters, and learn how we keep them active and playing throughout the winter using enrichment techniques.

Please contact Brianne for any questions: 617-375-9700
Stone Zone Website

3rd Stop, The Easton Children's Museum, Easton, MA:

If you're interested in more fun activities over February Vacation, The Easton Children's Museum runs a February Vacation week program, this year themed as Ruff Ruffman's Operation espionage! We'll be searching for Ruff's squeaky toy, which has gone missing. Come check us out!

If you haven't been to this museum, I highly recommend it!!

http://www.childrensmuseumineaston.org/Home.asp

Therapy is great!

There, I’ve said it and now I can stop and make this the shortest post in history, but I won’t. I will blab away and tell you why I say what I do, and do what I say … and what inspired this post.

Like you, I like to read many blogs and most of them are located on my blogroll where you will find the Brazen Careerist blog. The reason why I like her blog is why a lot of people like it -- the human and self interest side -- the personal stuff. Her blog is meant to help those in business to learn and grow using her successful ideas and suggestions -- all good. However, she also blogs about her personal life, some stuff so humorously shocking (for a business blog) that I continue to read -- as do most people who like to read the juicy stuff now and then (and don't pretend that that's not you, too). Btw, she mentioned that she thinks she might have Asperger’s syndrome (perhaps in a more tongue in cheek manner), but her young son was diagnosed with the disorder.

One of her posts was one of which my eyes did a double take and I smiled. "How to decide if you need to see a therapist” is the title. I loved seeing it even before I read it, because I'm one of those people who believe in the power and the rewards of a good therapist, and I am emphasizing the word: “good.”

Do run from the bad therapists and search for a good one. And you will know when you have found each of the two: A bad therapist will make you feel stupid, boring and undeserving (yeah, that happened to me). And a good therapist will know why you're there in the first place.

A lot of people believe that seeing a therapist is a sign of weakness, of shame. But that attitude is the actual weakness if you ask me. To have enough love for yourself, the desire to know yourself better, and the courage to be the best person, parent, husband/wife that you can be, is what seeing a therapist is all about.

I’ve told you before that Nick and I see a therapist together because he is on Luvox for his anxiety and OCD, and the one-hour long, one day a month appointment with B (our therapist) is actually required. At first I thought, ugh, a whole hour spent with someone because we are "forced" to and that Nick talks incessantly about only two topics: how nervous he is in school and about superheroes.

Come to realize soon after, it was a blessing. Hint: she’s a good therapist; someone who will let you know what she thinks without holding back -- is a very good thing, and the fact that she’s very aware of Nick behaviors and of autism spectrum disorders is everything for us -- almost like a substitute parent for an hour -- while I suck down my latte and enjoy the view…

Then one day I just opened up and divulged my true feeling about everything that I was dealing with in my life (I'd found the courage) and it was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders -- because that was where all my problems and the problems of my kids were resting. It was a moment of clarity and certainty; a moment that I was able to see more clearly the kind of person and mother that I was to Nick, and to Meghan, for that matter. She also gave me confirmation and validation about my feelings and about my heart-wrenching decision of residential placement for Meghan -- and the educated opinion of someone who understands and who has been there.

Friends are also good people to talk to about your problems -- and expected, but sometimes friends can’t tell you what they really think in fear of hurting your feeling, nor do you really want to burden them with heavy problems and major decisions.

In therapy sometimes B and I just gab away … she gabs about her interesting family and of growing up with a father who she believed had Asperger’s syndrome, and I gab about my personal and family problems, issues, concerns -- of course! We talk. We laugh. We drink lattes -- until Nick interrupts to say: “EXCUSE ME, is it my turn yet!!?”

Ahhh, we love therapy!!