The Junior High School Dance

Remember your junior high and high school dances…

I do and I would like Nick to remember them as well. But he won’t if he keeps this up.

I feel bad because my son doesn’t want to go to his middle school dance this year—again. This is one huge problem that I still have with my 14-year-old son. He has mild autism and can control his sensory overload (e.g. loud music, crowded room)—at least in public—however, going to a function or an event like a school dance with his peers is something that he is NOT willing to do—vehemently.

This is where I could seriously use a circle of friends group for Nick. Or Best Buddies, which is offered in Massachusetts, but our school system—of course—is one of the few that doesn’t offer this program. I will work on it for high school and pray that one day he will want to participate in high school dances and capture these memories of a lifetime.

And what about the prom? Will he not go? I went to two proms (okay, 3), my junior and senior year and somebody else’s prom who worked at the donut shop that I work at (the fry cook and the waitress--and, yes, I was still 17), but I couldn’t imagine not attending one of them. I know people who never went to their prom and even though they don’t admit that they had regretted not going, I think they must? Did you go to your prom?

These are social engagements that some teens with autism are not comfortable attending. Some kids, not all. I know a few kids with asperger’s syndrome who attend their dances—happily. But the flip side of this problem is that girls or kids may not want to hang out or dance with the “quirky” kid, then what? My girlfriend actually spied on her son (who has AS) and watched him (I can see her now, peeking into the gymnasium, creeping behind the punch bowl and scaring kids)—she felt she had to and I envied her because her son is opposite my son in that he wants to do so many things independent of his mom. My son is fearful of these events because he is not comfortable with his typical peers—afraid more like—and I feel like I'm holding him back by not forcing him, but that would be bad, too. So, in the future, I must find a friend for him to go with, then I think he would enjoy it—perhaps. I mean he’s a very handsome boy who appears quiet more than quirky—what girl doesn’t like that?

This video from ABC News On Call brings this issue to mind--social issues,understanding autism and bullying. Scroll down to Nightline Reports and click on Daily Bullying, living with asperger's syndrome.